didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
