A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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