If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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