Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
