I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
