Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
