I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
