I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
