so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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