He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize