The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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