he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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