Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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