Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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