The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
