Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
