covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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