I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
