also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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