Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
