I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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