Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
