its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
