Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
