apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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