I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
