I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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