happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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