Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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