just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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