She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
