Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize