Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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