My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
