it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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