I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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