I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
