YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
