I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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