I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
