I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
