You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
