I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
