I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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