The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
