Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
