haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
