Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ketchup is God's man juice
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
