i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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