I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
