We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize