Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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