My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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