Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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