So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
