I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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