just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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