I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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