I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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