Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Banned from zoo.
Again?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
