Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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