That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
