I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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