I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
