you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
