he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
