it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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