is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
