You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
