It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
