I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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