hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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