How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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