you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
