My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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