omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
