I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
