ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
