i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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