I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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