Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
