Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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