i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
