remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
