I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
