every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
