he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
