Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
