I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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