Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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