fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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